Xadija JIS

Nowadays, the amount of people suffering from stress is at record level. It is scientifically proven that everything has its root cause. In the following paragraphs we will be discussing main causes and solutions for stress.
First type of stress that I want to discuss is student’s stress. We all know that in every educational system has a part that students hate which is called among all of us as exams. Imagine, student prepares to the exam spending whole nights but in the exam time that information can be forgotten or the worst thing that could happen is question that student was not prepared. Worse will be if parents will start to critique him or her. To solve this problem I recommend every educational community to get rid off all exams and finish the era of stress for students. If they cannot remove exams I suggest them to make it unnoticeable as possible with humor. If there won’t be any stress world will have better youth.
Second type of stress that I want to define is money problems. With not having enough money people are feeling stressed and this is causing to suicides. With having a lot amount of debts first thing that they are feeling is stress and without having another options suicide. In my opinion to solve this problem government should give higher salary and organize funds to people. With this actions government will have peaceful and happy people.
In the followed paragraphs we have discussed some types of stress. In our modern life we have a lot of types of stress and we have discussed only two types of it. They were student’s stress and money problem. We need to make the world around us peaceful and don’t allow people to suffer in the stress.

5.5

The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and providing a clear closing statement.

Suggestions

Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to provide a comprehensive summary of the points discussed.

The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity and accuracy. Additionally, the use of humor in the suggestion to make exams less stressful could be further explained or supported to ensure it is understood as intended.

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar, but these do not impede communication. The essay uses a variety of complex and simple sentence structures, with a good level of accuracy. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions that could be revised for clarity and precision. For example, the phrase “With not having enough money people are feeling stressed” could be rephrased as “Not having enough money causes people to feel stressed” to improve clarity and readability.

The essay addresses the task and provides a well-developed response with relevant, extended and supported ideas. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay addresses the topic of stress and provides suggestions for addressing student stress and financial stress. However, the ideas could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. Additionally, the essay could be more focused on addressing the prompt by discussing a wider range of stressors and their potential solutions.