Many believe that young people should spend more of their free time with their family instead of other entertainment. Do you agree or disagree?

Young people tend to spend their leisure time entertaining themselves, mostly with their friends. Some hold opinion that it is wrong and they should spend more time with their family. Although this period of teenagers is natural process, and they learn life-important lessons when they are separate from their parents. If teenagers prioritize their relatives over friends and entertainment, it is high likely that, they are not going to process “separating from parents” phase. Whereas, those young people who do focus on themselves and exploring the world find out what they are passionate about.
While it is true that family is the omes that wil always support and love you, young people should not stick to the whole concept of bonding when is their perfect period to find their purpose. If the child misses one phase of maturing, it is going to influence their whole life. For example, if instead of joining a music band in school you are going home to make dinner for everyone. Well it doesn’t seem like teenager’s time management. In that case, these teenagers will always rely on their family while all of their siblings has moved on.
Moreover, when you are alone or with your peers, you learn a lot about life, about friendship amd communication, about dreams an goals. Your friends or their activities might actually inspire you to start a new hobby that will then enlarge to your job. Statistics showed that approximately 70% of people find their purpose and passion at the age of 14-20. This argument represents idea that in youth, youngsters should take their time and find what they want.
To summarise, youth is perfect period of life to identify your preferences and what you want to do in your career.

6.5

The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the stance on the issue.

Suggestions

Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points and reiterate your stance on the issue.

The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and there are only minor errors in grammar and punctuation. However, there are some errors in article and preposition usage, as well as some awkward phrasings that could be revised for clarity. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures and shows a good control of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few minor errors that do not significantly impact the overall clarity or readability of the essay.

The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. The essay provides relevant, extended and supported ideas. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay clearly addresses the prompt by discussing the importance of young people spending their leisure time with their family versus with their friends. The writer takes a clear stance, arguing that it is important for teenagers to spend time with their family as it is a crucial period for their personal development and finding their passion. The argument is well-developed and supported with relevant points, but the essay could benefit from more specific examples to further illustrate the points being made.