Stess is now a major problem in many countries around the world. What are some of the factors in modern society that cause this stress? How can we reduce it?
In the modern era, stress is becoming more and more common problem among whole world and countries which is caused by the many factors in nowadays society. This essay will discuss the impacts of society and look for the solution which is able to solve these problems.
The two mainly factors which is causing to daily stress in modern society are work pressure and rather people’s gossip. Firstly, a lot of people in the world have their own jobs that make much stress. Work can cause to human stress with several ways. As an example, in every 40 second someone commits suicide and it means 100 thousand people a year. So, in every year 78 percent people commit suicide because of work pressure and the less salary. Secondly, almost everyone has a inner felling which is related to the people’s words and every time they do something wrong, they think that ‘What do people say ‘ or they say to their children that makes people fell stressed. As a result of this, they begin worrying to do something by themselves. They do not believe themselves and they think like ‘ If it is wrong, what do people say?’. Then, their self-confidence is lost by thinking like that.
However, it is not impossible to reduce everyday stress. If people create their own work environment, it will be easy to decrease the stess. Having tea and lunch breaks at work can provide a good relaxation. After having a rest, your brain is able to work better and more efficiently. This way, you can open your successful life. In addition, if people spread gossip about you or criticize you, you do not have to care, you try not to meet them. The less you hear about their gossip, the less you fell stresses.
In conclusion, from the beginning, stress is a common problem around the world. If we control our life’s problems with less stress and this situation can affect life efficiently.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and providing a clear final thought.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your ideas in each paragraph.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a range of vocabulary related to the topic, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar and punctuation. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, but there are some grammatical errors and punctuation issues that can affect the overall clarity.
The essay addresses the task and provides a relevant response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay addresses the topic by discussing the factors that contribute to stress in modern society and suggesting ways to reduce it. However, the response could be more fully developed, with more specific examples and a deeper analysis of the proposed solutions. Additionally, the essay could be more focused, with a clearer thesis statement and a more concise introduction.
Suggestions
- Ensure that you fully develop your arguments and support them with relevant examples.