Considering a high income is the most critical factor when choosing a career. To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

It is argued that a high salary plays a crucial role when people choose their career. Some people believe that other factors, such as job satisfaction, are more important than salary. In my opinion, well-paid jobs can attract workers’ attention by paid better salary, and making good money makes life comfortable.
On the one hand, proponents of other factors in job satisfaction cite several reasons for this. Firstly, people can find more pleasure and relaxation by their working. They only focus on improving their skills and agree in work rather than salary. For example, some people can work without receiving any salaries. This is because they dedicate their most of attention on work instead of earning money. Secondly, happiness cannot be driven by money. In other words, some people feel a sense of happiness by doing their work. For example, if you receive a high salary but cannot find any happiness or relaxation in work, it is hard to continue working.
On the other hand, well-paid jobs are more motivating and attracting. They day most of people struggle to reside due to expensive tax and cost of necessities. That is why majority of people make an effort to find well-paid jobs to provide family with money. For instance, especially adults, choose well-paid jobs to make progress in terms of financial and gaining a wealthy lifestyle. Moreover, working in well-paid jobs makes people’s life comfortable. To explain this, their salaries are significant higher than other fields and, as a result, they can afford to do everything like buy a new home or travel to abroad. Therefore, most of workers pay attention on salary when choosing a career.
In conclusion, while job satisfaction is important, but I still believe that salary play a key role when people choose a job.

6.5

The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and clearly stating the writer’s position.

Suggestions

Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points and clearly state your position.

The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.

The essay uses a variety of complex structures, but there are some errors in grammar and punctuation. The essay uses a variety of complex grammatical structures with a fair degree of accuracy. However, there are some errors in grammar and punctuation that can be distracting. Additionally, the essay would benefit from a more varied sentence structure to demonstrate a higher level of grammatical control.

The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position and supporting it with relevant examples. However, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and clearly restating the writer’s position.