Considering a high income is the most critical factor when choosing a career. To what extent do you agree with this opinion?
It is true that people pay more attention on earning a lot of money rather than other factors when choosing a job. Although well-paid jobs can make our life comfortable, I completely disagree with this statement according to several reasons.
On the one hand, considering a high income to choose a career can offer a wealthy lifestyle. In other words, those who consider that a high income is the most critical factor in life and can afford to buy anything they want. For instance, their children are able to study at specialized schools or abroad. Their families can travel from countries to countries.
However, I believe that earning good money is not the main factor when choosing a job for several reasons. The first main reason is that other factors, such as job satisfaction, are more important than salary. This may be because people can enjoy and be satisfied with what they are doing if they choose a career depending on other factors, and they never feel overwhelmed working hard during a long lifetime. Additionally, people who find earning good money is important cannot buy happiness while they are able to gain wealth. To explain this, they can always feel exhausted about their regular life, in which they do not want to stay, and consequently, they have to leave that job as they have no desire at all.
In conclusion, even though earning good money can make life wealthy, I think that people cannot satisfy from their jobs and find happiness when they are working.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the stance.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points and reiterate your stance.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar, punctuation and spelling. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which adds some variety and interest to the writing. However, there are some grammatical errors and inaccuracies in punctuation and spelling that can affect the overall clarity.
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed, and the essay could provide more specific examples to support the points being made.
Suggestions
- Ensure that your argument is fully developed and supported with specific examples.