The chart below shows the number of people employed in five types of work on one region of Australia in 2001 and 2008.
The bar chart shows the number of people employed in five different jobs, namely sales, accounting, computing, nursing, and farming, in a certain Australian region between 2001 and 2008.
Overall, the number of employees in three categories( sales, computing, and nursing) increased while the reverse is true for accounting and farming. Additionally, sales were the most popular chosen field whereas farming was the least.
Looking closely at increased figures, sales had around 158,000 workers in 2001, which later grew to over 160,000 in 2008. Both computing and nursing had been employed by the same amount of people( approximately 55,000) in the initial year and underwent a slight growth to about 80,000 and 60,000, respectively, at the end of the span.
The remaining categories witnessed opposing trends. Accounting stood at 63,000 workers in 2001, which saw a slight decrease of 5,000 in 2008. Only roughly 23,000 people worked in the farming industry in 2001 and this figure declined to just under 20,000 employees by 2008.
The essay is logically organized with clear paragraphing. Transitions between sentences and ideas are mostly smooth, though some parts could be more cohesive.
Suggestions
- Use more linking words to enhance flow.
- Ensure consistent use of tense.
- Clarify comparison points for better understanding.
The essay uses a good range of vocabulary appropriate for the task. However, some phrases could be more precise or varied.
The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures with minor errors.
The essay successfully addresses the task, providing a clear overview and supporting details from the chart.
Suggestions
- Ensure all data points are accurately reflected from the chart.