Some people think that celebrities earn too much money. Do you agree or disagree? e

It is true that the majority of people contemplate that nowadays a person who is very important to our society and outstanding can be earning too much money than other humans who are earning money through facing difficulties, I am of the opinion that if the famous persons such as doctors and lawyers earn much money, which can be beneficial for our community developing by culture and sports.
On the one hand, there could be several reasons why I suspect that earning much more money of celebrities cannot be harmful for us. First of all, famous persons usually achieve their goals by important skills like talent and hard work which are helping the purpose of individuals. Therefore, celebrities have been working hard for several years and they achieve their skills as well as they encounter challenges like competitive industries in this way, which can justify their actions. Secondly, as celebrities have got their own good character, other humans are interested in them , which can boost public demand to them nowadays. That’s why the majority of well-known persons like athletes, musicians, and actors are earning more and more money , those wanting to have success as celebrities can admire them.
On the other hand, there could be another factor that well-known individuals may be successful rather than other people who could not have their own career. One of the main factors is that being celebrities could have its own beneficial side for the government since they are paying more taxes and organizing charity events. For example, in my country, many celebrities pay high-rise taxes to their career rather than populations and they can contribute with their actions to finance. Another viewpoint is that those can affect from economical advantages like creating new employment and providing with well-paid work. Furthermore, thousands of people are ensured with work such as drawer through organizing sports competitions or musical nights as well as many individuals like advertisement agencies, controlling companies, and designers work for supporting the well-known.
By the way of conclusion, while it is essential to install equality in community , outstanding persons can always be important for us as they are contributing a lot rather than others who criticize others.

6.5

The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. Clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and more explicit linking phrases would help guide the reader through the essay. Ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will also improve readability.

Suggestions

Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transitions between ideas.
Make sure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.

The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, but there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, “contemplape” should be “contemplate,” “important skills like talent and hard work” could be rephrased as “their skills, such as talent and hard work,” and “populations” should be “people.” Improving lexical precision and variety will enhance the clarity and professionalism of the essay. Additionally, ensuring correct spelling and grammar usage will improve overall readability.

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction. The essay contains several grammatical errors that affect clarity and readability. These include issues with punctuation, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure. For example, “famous persons usually achieve their goals by important skills” should be “famous persons usually achieve their goals through important skills,” and “those can affect from economical advantages” should be “they can benefit from economic advantages.” Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, including correct verb forms and preposition usage, will improve the overall quality of the essay.

The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay addresses the topic by discussing the reasons why some people believe that celebrities earn too much money and why others do not. The writer presents a clear opinion that high earnings are justified due to the contributions celebrities make to society. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples and evidence to support this argument. Additionally, a more thorough exploration of the opposing viewpoint would provide a more balanced perspective.