Some people think celebrities earn too much money. To what extend do you agree or disagree?
It is true that famous people have more opportunity to make profits while some argue that they earn miney like ordinary individuals., I firmly agree with the idea in terms of their benefits.
On the one hand, there are a munberous of reasons why they earn more profit connected to several steps. Initially, they have to spend all time on artistically activities so that they have already gained their honour among the local people. Even when it is time to relax or sleep for them, they serve in certain events such as ceremonies that is traditional. Therefore, thay have more chances for profit in order to be in people.’s attention while working hard all day. Moreover, majority of advertisements are requested to advert from the due to the fact that they are well-known, nations in that area have a tendency of believing in famous.
On the other hand, except from former reasons, another options contributes to be reach. The main factor is that they have a large companies, markets like these kind of businesses. This is becouse since owning saved financial resurses., it is not noticeable challenge to invest in business, even if they go into bancrupt. To earn a lot of money or for intertainmen the munber of them frequently lunches a massive business. For instance, many celebrates in my country have lots of markets under the famous brends in every urban centers, their products are utilised by individuals’ needs.
In conclusion, I would argue that well-known people can make more money becouse if benefits from not only creative works, but also some chores that come income.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a typical structure with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. However, the use of cohesive devices is sometimes awkward or incorrect, which can make the argument less clear. Additionally, there are some issues with coherence, as the connection between ideas can be unclear. More effective use of cohesive devices and a clearer connection between ideas would improve the overall coherence of the essay.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure that the use of cohesive devices is appropriate and does not affect the clarity of the argument.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic. However, there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choices, which can detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the writing. More varied and precise vocabulary, as well as careful attention to word choice and collocation, would enhance the lexical resource of the essay.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar, punctuation and spelling. However, these errors do not generally impede communication. The essay demonstrates an attempt to use a variety of sentence structures, and the overall grammatical accuracy is good. However, there are some errors in verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure, which can detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the writing. More attention to grammatical accuracy, as well as a focus on revising and editing for errors, would improve the overall quality of the writing.
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the topic by discussing the reasons why some people believe that celebrities earn too much money and why the writer agrees with this perspective. However, the argument is not well-developed, and the essay would benefit from more specific examples and a deeper exploration of the topic. Additionally, the conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing the main points and clearly restating the writer’s position.
Suggestions
- Include more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Consider providing a more detailed explanation of the implications of the argument.