The bar chart shows the proportion of men and women aged 60-64 employed in four different countries in 1997 and 2000. Summarise the information by selecting and reporting the main features, and make comparisons where relevant.
The graph compares the 60-64 aged female and male employment rates from 1970 to 2000 in 4 countries. Overall, despite outnumbering females across all given countries in terms of employment, the proportion of males showed more significant declines compared to females.The proportion of employed males in Japan started at 85% in 1970, a figure that then dropped to 85% by 2000. In Belgium, the proportion of male employment started at 79%, but this was followed by a considerable drop of 60% within a 30-year period. While, in the USA and Australia, the starting point was relatively similar, the figure for both of them declined, with the latter seeing a more noticeable drop.
As for the proportions of women, which were far more different than males’. 43% of females (aged 60-64) offered their workforce in Japan, making it the highest figure among all 4 countries. Despite a slight dip in 2000, Japan still led the pack. Belgium, on the other hand, also showed a similar pattern, with its figures decreasing from 8 to 7. In contrast, the USA and Australia showed upward trends, with their figures increasing by 3% and 2%, respectively.
The essay lacks clear organization and logical sequence of ideas. Some comparisons are made, but the information is not consistently grouped or presented logically.
Suggestions
- Organize the information by country or gender for clarity.
- Use linking words to connect ideas more effectively.
- Ensure each paragraph has a clear focus.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but some word choices are incorrect or awkward. Repetitive language is present.
There are noticeable grammatical errors and awkward sentence structures that affect readability.
The essay attempts to summarize the graph but contains inaccuracies and lacks detailed comparisons. Not all key features are addressed.
Suggestions
- Ensure accuracy in reporting data from the chart.
- Include more detailed comparisons between countries and genders.
- Summarize all main features effectively.