The pie charts below show the online sales for retail sectors in New Zealand in 2003 and 2013.
The pie chart illustrates the online trading for retail sectors in New Zealand over 10 years period of time between 2003 to 2013.
Overall, amongst the four sectors, traveling make up the largest expenses, followed by books representing the lowest.
The largest proportion was for travel, accounting for 36% of the total, the smallest proportion was for book, accounting for 19% of the total in 2003. Unfortunately, the amounts of film/music and clothes were similar, making up 24% percent and 21% percent .
From time to time clothes had the lowest amount of sales at 16% ,the film/music had the highest amount of sales at 33% in 2013. Regarding books little change could be seen with difference of just 22%, as regards travel, there has been a huge change over the ten years.
To sum up the majority of the travel experienced in all sectors are observed between 2003 to 2013
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in the use of vocabulary and some words are used inappropriately.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and the majority of sentences are free from grammatical errors. However, there are some grammatical errors and some sentences are unclear.
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the information. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific details and by making some comparisons where relevant.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific details and make more comparisons where relevant.