Task 2: Some high school students leave school without a good understanding of how to manage their money. What are the reasons for this? What can be done to improve their understanding?
Many students from high school don’t know how to manage their money and they leave their school without understanding how to right spend their time. This essay disscuss why they do this and the reasons why they do it, and how to improve their understanding about right managing their money.
In the other hand, most high schoolers after leave their school without understanding of how to right spend their money. There can be some guests such as their poor experience in spending money and their way to independence. The prime example for this could be students from country like USA. Two-third or one-third of their students after leaving their high school wants to go out for foreign countries or wants to orginize business in regarding to their own field . And they want to be independent , so they they spend their money to the rent departments and for some investments. So they don’t know how to manage their money by the lack of experience.
According to researchers to improve this understanding of how to right spend money after leaving the high school , the schools executives have to provide more time with students to teach them to spend their money on right way, by organizing some parties or clubs in which professionals can taught them readily. And including additional subjects which can support them how to orginize their own minds to create their own investments.
In conclusion, the main reasons for this problems of spending time is that lack of the experience. The prime solution for this problems is organise more supportive clubs which can avoid this kind of stuff. And picking them up right professionals that can support them anyways.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the proposed solutions.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your ideas in each paragraph.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar, punctuation and spelling. However, these errors do not impede communication. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures and shows a good control of grammar and punctuation, with some errors. Spelling is generally accurate, but there are a few instances of incorrect or missing letters that could be revised for clarity.
The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear position throughout the response. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons some high school students leave school without a good understanding of how to manage their money and providing suggestions to improve their financial literacy. The writer presents a clear explanation of the factors contributing to this issue and proposes practical solutions. However, the argument could be further developed with more specific examples and a deeper analysis of the underlying causes and potential remedies.
Suggestions
- Ensure that you fully develop your ideas and provide sufficient support for your arguments.