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More and more people today are spending large amounts of money on their appearance in order to look younger. Why do people want to look younger? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

It is indeed becoming increasingly popular with people to invest heavily in their appearance with the purpose of looking younger. While there are a number of reasons for this new development, I believe this is generally negative.
People have an innate desire to look younger. One of the central reasons behind this trend is others’ attention. As humans are considered a highly socially active creature, it always wants to be at the centre of attention in society since it may bring certain psychological satisfaction. Feeling content, for example, most people often feel happy when they are paid attention to by others, and it can be evident by one’s birthday or wedding day feelings, which tend to be highly positive. Another significant factor contributing to this development is massively marketed cosmetic products and offers. Along with the large scale of cosmetics advertisements on social media, TV, or billboards, professional cosmetologists are also trying to make a living by serving people through promising to make them look younger and prettier. In turn, these triggers make people more tempted to enhance their appearance by looking younger.
To my way of thinking, this new trend should be discouraged for several reasons. First and foremost, a younger appearance achieved by the means of money is not permanent due to its spurious existence. When a person applies a certain cosmetic to enhance his or her appearance, it may give a temporary fulfilment, but as time goes on, it will fade and vanish together with the person’s mood, making the person more disappointed by his/her face. Moreover, it is likely to be harmful as well. Oftentimes, people who used cosmetic products or operations complain about some sort of side effects that emerged from a particular chemical substance or element that the product or operation contains. Letting these elements in the body can lead to dysfunction of natural balance on the skin, resulting in more severe situations.
To conclude, yearning for attention and outside encouragement is making many people spend their money on their faces to look younger. I firmly believe that this should be limited as it has serious outcomes related to well-being.

8.0

The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are clearly structured. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved.

Suggestions
  • Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.

The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. A variety of vocabulary and idiomatic expressions are used. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.

The essay uses a wide range of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors that need to be addressed.

The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear position throughout the response. The arguments are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. However, the conclusion could be more comprehensive.

Suggestions
  • Try to summarize the main points made in the essay in the conclusion to provide a more comprehensive ending to your response.