Behruz
In today’s world , countries are becoming more alike because people can buy the same things everywhere in the world. I partly agree with this statement. In this essay i’ll elaborate my position with specific examples and reasons.
The first benefit of this trend is that it makes it possible for people from various nations to exchange cultural values. Goods from one nation, such as traditional clothes, food, or music, can be bought and enjoyed in another. This helps individuals understand and learn other cultures. For instance,
On the other hand, being able to purchase things anywhere around the world can lead to the losing value of product. When everyone starts using the same thing , items may become less popular and even later can dissapear. For example, in the past the only way getting “Rolex” was going to somewhere and there purchasing it , now you could just order it online, which is already losing its value.
Moreover, another drawback is that people might waste money on things they do not need. If products from all over the world are easy to to buy and sell, many people spend too much on expensive items. For instance, someone, might order a very costly phone online just to show off , even though their current phone works perfectly good. This can casuse financial problems, especially for people who can not afford that goods .
In conclusion, countries are becoming more similar beacuse individuals can purchase the same items everywhere. I partly agree with this trend because it helps share cultural values, but on the other hand , it leads to losing the uniqueness of products and encourages unnecessary spending.
The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected, but there are some issues with the flow of ideas and the use of linking words. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of linking words to connect your ideas.
- Make sure your examples directly support your arguments.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, such as “exchange cultural values,” “unnecessary spending,” and “homogenization of countries.” However, there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the writing. For example, “the losing value of product” should be “the loss of product value,” and “casuse financial problems” should be “cause financial problems.”
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there is a good range of structures. However, there are some grammatical errors and awkward constructions that can be distracting. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures effectively, ranging from simple to complex sentences. However, there are some grammatical errors that affect the clarity and readability of the essay. For example, “countries are becoming more alike beacuse individuals can purchase the same items everywhere” should be “countries are becoming more alike because individuals can purchase the same items everywhere,” and “it leads to losing the uniqueness of products” should be “it leads to the loss of product uniqueness.”
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons for the increasing similarity among countries and the potential drawbacks of this trend. The writer presents a clear position and supports it with relevant examples. However, the essay could benefit from a more focused thesis statement and a clearer structure in the introduction to guide the reader on what to expect in the following paragraphs.
Suggestions
- Make sure your thesis statement clearly outlines your position and the main points you will discuss in your essay.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear focus and is well-developed.