Some people say that technologies such as mobile phones are disrupting social interaction. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
One major criticism is that mobile phones can distract people during in person conservations. For example, it is common to see individuals glued to their screens at social gathering, paying more attention to their devices than to the people around them i dont agree
Moreover constant use of mobile phones has made many.people overly relient on virtual communication. Instead of meeting friends or family in person people often resort to texting calling video chatting. While these methods are convenient they lack the emotional depth and connection of face to face interaction.
on the other hand While mobile phones also offer benefits. They allow individuals to stay in touch regardless of distance and help maintain relationships that might otherwise fade. Furthermore social media platforms enable people to connect with like minded individuals expanding their social networks.
in conclusion while mobile phones have undeniably changed the way wi interact, it is essential to strike a balance.
The essay is somewhat coherent, but the flow of ideas is not entirely smooth. There are some issues with cohesion, such as the abrupt introduction of points without proper transitions. The essay would benefit from more cohesive devices and better paragraph structuring to enhance readability and logical progression of ideas.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transitions between ideas.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but there are some instances of awkward phrasing and spelling errors. More precise and varied vocabulary could be used to articulate the arguments more effectively. Additionally, attention to spelling and phrasing would enhance clarity and impact.
The essay shows an attempt to use a range of grammatical structures, but there are several grammatical errors that hinder clarity. Punctuation errors (such as missing commas) also affect the readability of the essay. Paying closer attention to grammar and punctuation would improve the overall quality of the writing.
The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both the distractions caused by mobile phones in face-to-face interactions and their benefits. However, the arguments are not fully developed, and the essay lacks detailed examples to support the points. The conclusion is brief and does not fully summarize the arguments presented. More specific examples and a clearer, more detailed discussion would strengthen the response.
Suggestions
- Ensure that each paragraph fully develops a single point.