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Many believe that young people should spend more of their free time with their family instead of other entertainment. Do you agree or disagree?

The question of whether young people should dedicate more of their spare time to family activities rather than entertainment has been a matter of contention. I firmly believe that while entertainment plays a role in young people’s lives, spending quality time with family members is indeed more valuable. This is primarily because family interactions contribute to stronger emotional bonds and help preserve important cultural values and traditions.
The primary reason why family time should take precedence over entertainment is that it helps develop and maintain strong emotional bonds. Regular interaction with family members creates a supportive environment where young people can share their concerns, experiences, and achievements, leading to better emotional well-being and mutual understanding. For instance, when teenagers regularly participate in family dinners or weekend activities, they are more likely to open up about their problems and seek advice from parents, which is crucial for their personal growth and emotional stability.
Another significant benefit of spending time with family rather than entertainment is that it helps preserve and transmit important cultural values and traditions. Through regular family interactions, young people learn about their cultural heritage, family customs, and moral values, which entertainment media often fails to convey. For example, when young people participate in family celebrations, listen to stories from older generations, they gain a deeper understanding of their cultural identity and maintain connections with their roots.
To sum up, I strongly believe that young people should prioritize family time over entertainment activities. Moreover, this approach not only strengthens emotional connections but also ensures the preservation of cultural values, making it essential for young people’s development.

8.0

The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are clearly structured. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved.

Suggestions
  • Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.

The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.

The essay demonstrates a good control of a range of grammatical structures, with only minor errors. However, there are a few sentences that could be rephrased for better clarity.

The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. The arguments are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. However, the introduction could be more engaging to the reader.

Suggestions
  • Consider starting the essay with a thought-provoking question or a relevant quote to capture the reader’s attention.