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A rise in the standard of living in a country often only seems to benefit cities rather than rural areas. What problems can this cause? How might these problems be reduced?

Young generation has to bear exaggerated responsibilities to become academically successful. Some individuals, as a result, implore academic institutions to remove subjects that are not in the scope of literary including gym classes and culinary arts, which will leave more time to students to deal with their academic studies without distractions. Despite certain benefits accompanying this tendency, I believe that future members of society should not only be intellectual, but also needs to be healthy.
True. Developing intellectual capacity of children has always been the first priority of caregivers by giving them to educational settings, and it is only natural that they want their children to receive only academic knowledge rather that wasting their time on culinary and physical strength lessons. However, there might be one or two issues we can take with their assertion one of which is that to improve overall well-being, both mental and physical health are crucial. People often have minor health issues everyday which they blame the challenges and problems of life, whereas the main reason is that they do not adhere to standards of a healthy life. Therefore, while lifting weights, for example, they happen to be less cautious which results in smalls incidents like back pain or herniated disc.
Moreover, having practical classes, young populace will be prepared for future life. A certain amount of school students will not be able to make it to tertiary education due to a number of factors, such as financial and family problems. In these circumstances, possessing practical knowledge might be beneficial, letting graduates secure a job and provide for their family and themselves. For instance, many high school graduates, who haven’t finished school successfully, use their craftsmanship skills to be able to feed their beloved ones.
Lastly, too much mental pressure might result in psychological burnouts which might affect their overall health. Students, taking only academic classes, might turn into under-aged 30 years old even if they are not. In addition, taking part in non-academic subjects like art or music might enhance students’ creativity, leading to them being able to resolve problems and issues more effortlessly.
In conclusion, students now are under a significant academic pressure at schools because in order to secure a well-rounded future and better life. Teaching them youngsters lessons that focuses on academic knowledge might have some beneficial effects, I favor the idea that in the long run, individuals need more than just academic ability.

7.0

The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected well. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.

Suggestions
  • Use more linking words to improve the flow of ideas.
  • Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic.

The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary and some flexibility in use of words and phrases. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary, with appropriate use of academic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and precision. Additionally, the use of more varied and sophisticated language could help to enhance the overall quality of the essay.

The essay demonstrates a good range of grammatical structures and is mostly accurate. However, there are a few minor errors that do not significantly impact the overall clarity of the writing. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of grammatical structures, with a high level of accuracy. However, there are a few minor errors in verb tense, subject-verb agreement, and sentence structure that could be revised for clarity and precision. Additionally, the use of more varied and complex sentence structures could help to enhance the overall quality of the essay.

The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the importance of a well-rounded education that goes beyond academic knowledge. The writer presents a clear position and supports it with relevant examples. However, the essay could be further improved by providing more specific examples and by ensuring that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea.

Suggestions
  • Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
  • Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea.