Abdulaziz
The map illustrates the centre of a small town called Islip at the present as well as the plans for construction.
Overall, changes, that are planned to be in the future, are mainly in the construction of new transport, housing and commercial facilities. Some facilities will have been eliminated and turned into a new one.
Overall, countryside, in the northward, will be demolished and made into a circle road within dual carriageway. Main road, that is two shops, will be turned into a pedestrian, where only they are permitted to be in.
Looking at housing facilities, housing, which is located northern, will be reconstructed into a new housing. Additionally, commercial facilities will experience big change. Shops, which is sited off in northern, will be converted into a transport facilities (bus station, shopping centre, car park), new housing will be added next to a car park. Park, due changes in road, will reduce the size.
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear central topic in each paragraph. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of an attempt to use less common and/or more complex vocabulary. However, there are some inaccuracies and awkward phrases that affect the clarity of the writing.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and there is some attempt to use a range of grammatical structures. However, there are several grammatical errors that can cause some difficulty for the reader.
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the information provided. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific details and by making the language more formal and academic.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific details about the changes that are planned and the reasons for these changes.
- Try to make the language more formal and academic in order to improve the overall quality of the writing.