Abdulaziz

These days due to people can afford to purchase the same products everywhere, countries are becoming more and more similar. I think this trend is mostly negative development. My further arguments will be discussed in the following paragraphs.
To begin with, in ancient times, when clothes and other abundants played a huge role, people were judged by their appearance. This idea was inherited by generations and some individuals think that buying popular staffs from other countries increase their reputation. For example, picture of “Mona Lisa” by Leonardo da Vinci, that is the most expensive and popular in the world, is too demanded because it shows people’s money status. Even though it is a waste of money.
Moreover, in some countries people prioritize foreign products, at what they rely on, over traditional. To illustrate this I can take technologies of my nation as an example. In Uzbekistan in the past machines such as cars that were petrol and were various, also could prevent many car accidents, however now they are turned into electro cars imported from China. So they are losing their value.
On the other side, because of invention from an individual of a specific country, people start using it because it became viral as well as useful throughout the world. For instance, Charles Babbage, who invented computer, was developed by others and the reason is that other countries also started using this invention. Thus, foreign products can lead to new innovations.
In conclusion, while new products might change a lot of countries, though I assume that it may cause traditions to be forgotten and unnecessary money spend.

6.5

The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the author’s stance.

Suggestions

Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
Make sure to link all the ideas in a paragraph to the main point of the paragraph.

The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and there are some errors in grammar and punctuation. However, these do not detract from the overall clarity of the writing. The essay uses a variety of complex structures, but there are some grammatical errors and punctuation issues that can hinder clarity. These errors need to be addressed to improve the overall quality of the writing.

The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position and supporting it with relevant examples. However, the argument could be more fully developed, and the essay could benefit from a more detailed exploration of the topic.