Adv/ Disadv. Giving children and adolescents pocket money is common throughout the world. Do the advantages of this practice outweigh the disadvantages?
It is true that many families give money for their children, and, currently, this trend is becoming more popular. In my opinion, there are both benefits and drawbacks to this.
One of the primary advantages of giving cash to young people is boosting financial skills. This skill is very useful for life. When the younger generation buys something, they will start to think about how they should spend their money to save their pocket cash; as a result, their financial skills are likely to improve. For example, in the UK, 75% of parents teach their kids how to use money, and in the future, they will have financial knowledge, which can help them to secure good jobs, so many companies look for employer-preferred financial skills.
However, this trend is not devoid of challenges. One dramatic disadvantage is that children can buy prohibited things like cigarettes or alcohol. Nowadays, it is a significant issue, so children don’t understand that cigarettes or alcohol destroy their organisms, like lungs or blood systems, and it plays important roles in their future life. For example, in the USA, many adolescents start to smoke and drink alcohol, so their parents give them pocket money. As a result, children’s health, day by day, starts to get worse. And they don’t want to continue their work or study.
In conclusion, two of the main benefits of giving children and adolescents pocket money are improving financial skills and parents’ trust. However, the problem of buying prohibited things should not be ignored.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the connection between some ideas and paragraphs could be improved. The introduction and conclusion are clear, but the body paragraphs could be more focused. Additionally, the use of pronouns and other cohesive devices is sometimes confusing, which affects the overall coherence of the essay.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your points in each paragraph.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices, which do not detract from the overall clarity of the essay. Additionally, the use of more formal language could be improved.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are few grammatical errors. However, there are some errors in article and preposition usage, as well as some awkward phrasings. The essay demonstrates a good command of a range of grammatical structures. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence structures, which do not detract from the overall clarity of the essay. Additionally, the use of more formal language could be improved.
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay addresses the topic and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed, and the essay could provide more specific examples to support the points made. Additionally, the conclusion could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific examples to support your points.
- Develop your argument more fully in the body paragraphs.
- Ensure the conclusion is comprehensive and effectively summarizes the main points.