All over the world, societies are facing a growing problem with obesity. This problem affects both children and adults. What are the reasons for this rise in obesity? How could it be tackled?
Today, there are many kinds of modern works which many people work as a sit then overweight issue is increasing dramatically. I think this types of overweight problem is rising because now there are many fast food types and when people start to eat fast food, they cannot control themselves and the reason is that in the fast food, there are ingredient which have fatting spices and people are habited and their body is require to eating.
On the one hand, there are many cause of overweight. The first of all is that in the modern life, the most works are require to sit all work days and when people sit long time, the overweight issue is easily growing in the human body, for example in the IT work, this work is required full siting including eating too and when people who is working as programmers are often forced to eat fast food because they have a lot of projects ,as a result ,they do not have time to prepare home food themselves. Moreover, fast food is one of the bigger problem which is increasing overweight issue. Now, many people are starting to consume fast food as food which as always food because this type of food which do not time more time to prepare as a consequence people cannot give up it. For example, in my country, there are more fast food places then national food places this means fast food places cover almost all countries.
However, there are two most effects for human body when they have overweight sickness. Firstly, some kinds of modern and another serious diseases are growing up easily when people overweight ,such as , diabetes mellitus and start to muscle pain the reason is less physical exercise and do not have limit eating system. It is true that people eat food, but they are not doing enough exercises, they started to get weight and this situation is continuous, people to be overweight because humans then ignore when they get a weight, this problem is not show the result fast. Furthermore, Fast food have special ingredients which individuals body required and this special ingredients have thing which controls people’s appetites, for example, in my opinion ,despite full eating ,most people cannot stop eating because people lose their response which limit in eating system.
In conclusion, there are reasons which overweight sickness rising are that it depend on work and having many kings of fast foods and places while if this situation is continuous, overweight people are suffer many kind of illness such as, diabetes mellitus and start to muscle pain and people loose the response which eating system.
The essay is somewhat difficult to follow due to a lack of clear organization and coherence in some parts. The use of cohesive devices is inconsistent, and there are some abrupt shifts in topic.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices appropriately.
- Make sure each paragraph has a clear central topic and follows logically from the previous one.
The essay demonstrates a limited range of vocabulary and there are some inaccuracies in word choice and spelling.
The essay contains a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, but there are several grammatical errors and inaccuracies in the use of verb tenses, articles, and prepositions.
The essay addresses the task and provides a relevant response to the prompt. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay also fails to address the second part of the prompt: how the rise in obesity could be tackled.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Make sure to fully address all parts of the prompt.