An increasing number of people are choosing have cosmetic surgeries in order to improve their appearance. Why are more people choosing to have operation to change the way they look? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?
These days the number of people who are competing to pass to the university is growing day by day, resulting in greater number of literate individuals. I view this trend positively despite some drawbacks.
As there is a high number of people studying to become the student of universities, many of the applicants may get some mental illnesses because of excessive studying. The high pressure for getting into the university can lead to significant levels of stress and anxiety among students. Because of the strong desire of being accepted to the higher educational institutions, the value of learning may get overshadowed by the mere means of securing a place in prestigious institutions. Moreover, this development can cause social inequalities, as applicants from low-income backgrounds can not have an opportunity of engaging in extracurricular activities or attending the tutoring classes.
Despite this downside I tend to view this trend positively. One of the primary benefits of this development is that it brings about increased number of educated people. When there is strong competition for the admissions of universities, it will be challenging to get into higher education with students studying even harder and striving towards their goals. Since there are dozens of those contesting to get accepted to the universities by showing unimaginable academic excellence, the number of literate individuals will rise from day to day. In my country getting into the university is considered to be of a great importance for every person. Because there are a lot of educated people, the likelihood of engaging in criminal activities is very low. Additionally, educated individuals are often more likely to start their own businesses, leading to job creation and economic diversification.
In conclusion increased levels of mental health issues, social inequality and the overshadowed value of learning can occur from this development: however it leads to increased number of literate people, economic growth along with low crime rates. Therefore, this is a positive change.
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive. Clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and more explicit linking phrases would help guide the reader through the essay. Ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will also improve readability.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Make sure that your conclusion fully summarizes the arguments you have made in the essay.
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, “the number of literate individuals will rise from day to day” could be rephrased as “the number of literate individuals will increase daily.” Improving lexical precision and variety will enhance the clarity and professionalism of the essay. Additionally, ensuring correct spelling and grammar usage will improve overall readability.
The essay demonstrates a good control of a range of grammatical structures, with only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect phrasing that detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the essay. For example, “As there is a high number of people studying to become the student of universities” could be rephrased as “As more people are preparing to become university students.” Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, including correct verb forms and preposition usage, will improve the overall quality of the essay.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the implications of the increasing number of people studying to enter university and the potential positive and negative effects of this trend. The writer presents a clear position and supports it with relevant examples. However, the essay could benefit from a more focused thesis statement and a clearer structure in the introduction. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Make sure to fully develop your arguments and provide specific examples to support your points.
- Consider addressing potential counterarguments to provide a more balanced view.