Asila JIS

The majority of museums have an admission fee while others are free of charge. In the following paragraphs, the benefits and drawbacks will be addressed.
Let’s start by looking at the advantages of having an admission fee, a major positive is that the money can be used for the maintenance and development. For example, the money can be used to purchase new artifacts. Another advantage is that there would be less burden on the government’s shoulder. For instance, less money would be used from tax payers.
Turning to the other side of the argument, one of the major limitations of charging for admission, is that fewer people are willing to pay. In other words, the young are usually financially constrained, so they lack budget for museums. An additional disadvantage, is that it demotivates people to want to go to a museum. To illustrate, a person may be inquisitive for knowledge and enter the museum, only to realise that the museum has an entrance charge, which could lead them to rethink their decision on whether or not to enter.
The vast majority of museums require an entrance fee while others offer free admission. Furthermore, advantages such as using the money for maintenance and the fact that there would be less burden on the government’s shoulder exist on the other hand, disadvantages such as less popularity and low budget exist too. In my humble opinion, the benefits outweigh the drawbacks due to the fact that the money is important for many reasons. A solution for the drawbacks is that museums should have a day where there is no entrance fee. As a result, the museum will still be able to buy necessary items and please the people.

6.5

The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected, but there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. Clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and more explicit linking phrases would help guide the reader through the essay. Ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will also improve readability.

Suggestions

Use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
Ensure that your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of your essay.

The essay uses a good range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of a flexible use of vocabulary. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, “Turning to the other side of the argument, one of the major limitations of charging for admission, is that fewer people are willing to pay,” could be rephrased as “On the other hand, one significant drawback of charging for admission is that it may deter some visitors, particularly the young who may have financial constraints.” Improving the variety and appropriateness of vocabulary, as well as correcting awkward or incorrect word choices, will enhance the overall quality of the essay. Additionally, ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will improve readability.

The essay demonstrates a good control of a range of grammatical structures, with only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction that detract from the overall clarity and professionalism of the writing. For example, “The vast majority of museums require an entrance fee while others offer free admission,” could be rephrased as “Most museums charge an entrance fee, while some offer free admission.” Improving sentence construction and grammar usage, as well as ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing, will enhance the overall quality of the essay.

The essay addresses the task effectively and presents a clear position throughout the response. The essay effectively addresses the task by discussing both the benefits and drawbacks of museums charging an admission fee. The writer presents a clear position that the benefits outweigh the drawbacks and provides a concise summary of the main points in the conclusion. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples to support the arguments and by ensuring that the discussion is fully relevant to the topic. Additionally, the essay would benefit from a more formal tone and style. Ensuring that the writing is clear, concise, and well-organized will enhance the overall quality of the essay.