Asila JIS
Stress levels are rising in modern life. The origins of this problem exist along with solutions to prevail over it. In the following paragraphs, the causes and approaches will be examined.
For us, students, school is super stressful due to the fact that we have sleepless nights because we study for an upcoming exams or quizzes. Since we try to make our parents proud, we suffer from mental health issues. A solution to this problem is to teach the students in a way that grades aren’t as important as their education.
For mothers, balancing work and home life is overwhelming and leads to increased stress levels. In other words, a woman works at her job, then comes home to take care of her family. To achieve balance, the woman should assign the outside work to men and she will devote her time to taking care of her family instead.
Another root cause of elevated stress levels is men’s jobs, which involve long hours of work and require a lot of responsibility, leaving almost no time for themselves or their families. For instance, a man works long hours to provide for his family, unaware that his mental health is declining. One way to resolve this is to provide the same salary with shorter hours as the owners should care about the well-being of their employees.
To sum up everything that is mentioned, the number of people suffering from stress is rising in today’s world. Students experience stress from exams, as opposed to adults, who suffer from an imbalance between work and home life. With the help of others, step by step, we can make our lives a little less stressful.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but the transition between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Ensure that your conclusion effectively summarizes the main points of your essay.
The essay uses a variety of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with appropriate use of academic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more varied and precise language could enhance the essay.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures and shows a good command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few minor errors that could be corrected for clarity. Additionally, the use of more varied and complex sentence structures could enhance the essay.
The essay addresses the task effectively and provides a well-developed response to the question. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the causes of rising stress levels in modern life and suggesting potential solutions. The ideas are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. However, the essay could benefit from a more focused thesis statement and a clearer direction throughout the piece.
Suggestions
- Ensure that your thesis statement clearly conveys your position and that you maintain a consistent focus throughout the essay.
- Provide more specific examples to support your arguments.