At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages

Do the advantages of this situation outweigh the disadvantages
In our fast-pased world, it is argued that a number of young people in some countries shows larger portion compared with the percentage of older people.This essay will argue that despite there being some financial problems, the benefit of increasing number of adults population has a crucial impact on evaluation and creating a better lifestyle.
The main disadvantages of having too many youngs are that they cause a greater demand for food and places to live.As a result, it leads to an increase in crime. For example, starved people steal people’s pockets , that they keep their money, while walking in streets to feed themselves and also even have an attack that can injure people.As a result , the number of murdered people have a relative rise.However, I believe that a larger population of adults invent more easier ways to survive and develop a standart of living
The advantages of having more population that provide a large and cheap future workforce and youngs are typically more productive and innovative that they start new business ideas which can give a large tax base for the country.For instance, In China population of all ages has a highest percantage compared with other countries because of this, even uneducated people try to live in a good condition by not only inventing small , affordable gadgets that are used in daily life but also selling them to other countries that contribute to the income of the country.
In my point of view, although there will be a rise in crime, a sharp increase of evaluation and growth of a comfortable lifestyle for mankind are more preferable.
To sum up, a large increase of tolerant and open-minded people who can change our world towards easier lifespan by their creations and behaviours can outweight its disadvantages.

6.5

The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay is structured with an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion, which helps in maintaining a logical flow. However, there are some issues with coherence, as the connection between ideas is not always clear. The use of cohesive devices is somewhat inconsistent, which affects the overall coherence of the essay. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and providing a clear final thought.

Suggestions

Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
Make sure the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and provides a clear final thought.

The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical resource. However, there are some inaccuracies and inappropriate word choices. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary, with the use of appropriate and varied language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation that could be improved. Additionally, the use of more formal language could enhance the overall quality of the essay.

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar and punctuation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a range of grammatical structures, with a variety of sentence types used effectively. However, there are some errors in grammar and punctuation that could be improved. Additionally, the use of more complex grammatical structures could enhance the overall quality of the essay.

The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position and supporting it with relevant examples. The writer’s opinion is clearly stated, and the essay is well-structured, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with more specific examples.