Bar chart
The bar graphs illustrate the percentage of employers working at the ages 60-64 in various countries, including Belgium, the USA, Japan, and Indonesia, in 1970 and 2020. Overall, it’s clear that the proportion of men administrators exhibited a higher output rate with comparing women. However, a more noticeable rise was observed in the figure of Japan’s entrepreneurs, while Belgium dropped slightly with contrasting initial period.
In 1970, the percentage of women employers in the USA showed a higher rate than other countries, at around 78%, while this percent in Indonesia was lower, approximately 60%. However, these two figures were almost the same in 1970, and also this number of men’ administrators with a proportion of 85 over the two years.
Nevertheless, in the Belgium and Japan were smaller the number of entrepreneurs in 1970, and in 2020, men administrators in Belgium showed a higher percent in previous year, just 80%, but in 2020 this trend dropped at just 50% and women employers showed a gradual drop at around 60%. In Japan, these rates were almost the same in these two periods.
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and there is some use of passive and active voice. However, there are several grammatical errors and some sentences are unclear.
The essay addresses all parts of the task and presents a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages. However, the essay could be more concise and focused.
Suggestions
- Try to be more concise and focused in your writing. Make sure to address the task directly and to provide a clear overview of the main trends, differences or stages.