Because of the popularity of informational technology, people are working outside their workplace. Do the advantages outweight disadvantages?
Due to the pervasive presence of informational technology and internet, more people are working remotely. Although the given trend has many undeniable negative impacts, I think that its advantages are more significant, since telecommuting can give a chance for workers to balance their family and career, and engage in health lifestyle.
On the one hand, there some downsides of working without committing to office. First of all, distance working might deteriorate interpersonal relations in company, impacting on corporation’s profits negatively. To explain, a lot of people who works from home are potentially may lose their face – to- face contacts with their colleagues and it declines the efficiency of services of organization and, thereby, company may give up its reputation and financial strength in the market. According to Forbes, Nike had been one of the most successful businesses in the world, which earned a large amount of money annually, by 2016. However, company changed its employment policy and allowed for workers to work outside the workplace. In the following years, the company’s overall decreased by 13% and many experts believe it’s because of the new established HR policy.
On the other hand, despite all these sayings, upsides of the tendency are much more considerable. First of all, the remote working can give flexibility for employees, giving them an availability to allocate their time for other priorities such as family and personal growth. This can benefit company workers with meaningful and effective time management, accelerating their productivity and satisfaction both in their personal and professional lives. Last surveys of the UCLA showed that new remote workers experienced a surge in their work efficiency and fulfillment in their daily lives by 23%. Moreover, individuals who work remotely can be much healthier than their counterparts who work in the office. Due to the lack of spaces for exercising and stressful environment in the workplace, majority of employees are living in unhealthy lifestyle. However, workers can find more access in their home to commit in sports activities and they’ll be with their family, where everybody supports them.
To conclude, there are a lot of negative aspects of telecommuting as they reduce the company’s income. However, I strongly believe that their positive impacts such as engaging in healthy lifestyle, balancing the personal life and career will be much more noticeable than their drawbacks
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The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
- Use a wider range of linking words to connect ideas more effectively.
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, such as “informational technology,” “remote working,” and “productivity.” However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and accuracy. Additionally, the essay would benefit from a greater variety of expressions and idiomatic language to enhance the overall quality of the writing.
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which adds variety and interest to the writing. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions that could be revised for clarity and accuracy. For example, “a lot of people who works from home” should be “a lot of people who work from home,” and “majority of employees are living in unhealthy lifestyle” should be “the majority of employees lead unhealthy lifestyles.” Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, such as subject-verb agreement and article use, would improve the overall quality of the writing.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the advantages and disadvantages of remote work. The writer presents a clear position that the advantages of remote work, such as work-life balance and health promotion, outweigh the disadvantages, such as the impact on a company’s income. The argument is well-developed and supported with relevant examples, such as the case of Nike, which helps to illustrate the points being made. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive and assertive.
Suggestions
- Develop the argument more fully and support it with specific examples.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences in the paragraph support that idea.