Can you check it

Obtaining a job at proper time is a controversial topic today. Some consider getting a university diploma ensures a good job, others are of the opinion to directly get a job and gain experienceinstead. Although university education is a unique opportunity to get quality knowledge, experience is highly demanded element in job market.
There are many valid reasons why people believe university degree is essential in being employed. Firstly, they might consider academic knowledge as a crucial aspect of career development. In other words, they can work anytime they want by providing their qualifications without struggling to show that they are familiar with a particular sphere as other experienced candidates might face. Most state agencies in Uzbekistan are an illustrative point of example, since they do not recruit any applicant that have not pursued a bachelor degree regardless of their level of expertise. Secondly, students not only study their specific sphere at university, but also learn life-long lessons – negotiating with peers and how to spend their money wisely there. It means that they will grow acquiring many essential skills, which will be needed in the long term.
On the other hand, others, who are favour of being expertise in a specific field, might take several vital points of that into account. First and foremost, they, including me, may underestimate university education since being aware of graduating university in illegal way like documented corruption cases happened without even having proper understanding of the field in most graduates. The majority of universities in Tashkent, for example, apply candidates by checking their basic knowledgeand do not focus on quality of education then. As a result, millions of uneducated workforces are generated, which will bring about serious consequences on the country in the long run.
In conclusion, adequate time for getting into a job market is widely discussed topic nowadays. Although learning a particular sphere at university is irreplaceable, I consider being experienced is more advantageous due to several points above.

6.5

The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and clearly stating the writer’s opinion.

Suggestions

Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points and clearly state your opinion.

The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical resource. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with appropriate use of academic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of synonyms could be increased to avoid repetition and enhance the lexical resource.

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are few grammatical errors. However, there are some errors in article and preposition usage, as well as some awkward phrasings that could be revised for clarity. The essay demonstrates a good command of grammar, with a variety of sentence structures used effectively. However, there are a few grammatical errors, such as incorrect verb forms and subject-verb agreement, that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of articles and prepositions could be improved to enhance the overall grammatical accuracy of the essay.

The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay effectively addresses the prompt, presenting a clear position and supporting it with relevant examples. The writer effectively discusses the importance of both university education and practical experience in the job market, providing a balanced view. However, the argument could be more fully developed, with more specific examples needed to support the points effectively. Additionally, the conclusion could be more comprehensive, providing a clear summary of the main points and reiterating the writer’s position.