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In our modern area,obesity of childhood is significant issues in day to day.In this essay,we will examine the various causes of problem and explore potential problems solutions to adress it comprehensively.
There are several underlying factors to increase of obesity in children. One of the primary reason is advanced technology such as video games,TV and so on .In other words,many kids spent time to online games as well as child does not some work in house due to advanced technology such as vocum cleaner or washing machine. As a result ,these situations may be crate less of activities and obesity.Another promotion reasons that,many child love to eat junk food and in fact these type of food have not helathy nutrients and they can create some healthy problems for them.
To mitigate problem of we have some suggestion.First of solutions is that parents should control their child’s spare time. It clear that, sport such as football or running can bring more and more benifits for youngs and If children do some sport ,they can get rid of obesity from their body.Moreover,government had better banned to junk food for kids or increase of fast food’s price.Also, instead of video games or watching TV, child would be exercised with outdoor or indoor activities such as yoga or karate.
To conclude,although obesity has a lot of causes like advanced technology or junk food,parent’s control,sport and government’s attention may be able to solve these problems.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and providing a clear final thought.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to link all the ideas in a paragraph coherently.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity and accuracy. Additionally, the use of more varied and precise language could help to convey the ideas more effectively.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and there are only minor errors. However, there are some sentences that are unclear or ungrammatical. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, and the majority of sentences are grammatically correct. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect phrasing that could be revised for clarity and accuracy. Additionally, the use of more varied and complex sentence structures could help to convey the ideas more effectively.
The essay addresses the task and provides a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay addresses the topic by discussing the causes of childhood obesity and suggesting potential solutions. The writer takes a clear position and the ideas are generally relevant and well-developed. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and providing a clear final thought.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific examples to support the arguments.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and is well supported by the rest of the essay.