Checker
Dear Sir or Madam,
I am writing to inquire about the availability of business credit from your bank to start a business that I am planning at this time.
I am a last student university of the Business Sector of Uzbekistan and I have a idea from my business plan.I will open a new Korean clothes shop where locates near my university,since more and more people ,especially ,girls demad Korean clothes such as oversize dress and so on.For this reason I should a credit for my business.
I would give $15,000 for the shop and thier rent almost 2 month with credit’s money and when I will obtain profit from it I will repay the loan month by month.
My brother would be ready to be sponsor for loan and I can reply amount in 4 or 5 month ,since I need 3 month for start a business.
I look forward to hearing from you .
Yours faithfully,
Mohira Anvarova.
The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected, but there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of your arguments.
- Make sure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and there are only a few grammatical errors. However, there are some issues with word form and tense consistency.
The essay addresses the task and provides a clear response to the prompt. However, the response could be more fully developed and supported with specific details.
Suggestions
- Provide more specific details to support your argument. In this case, you could provide more information about your business plan and the potential profitability of your clothing shop.
- Make sure that your writing is clear and concise. Avoid unnecessary words and phrases to make your point more effectively.