Children are spending more time using smartphones. Why? Is it positive or negative?
In recent years, the percentage of utilizing phones among the children has increased noticeably, owing to several reasons. In this essay, we will discuss its positive and negative influences and will explain its causes.
It can be clearly seen that now everyone has their own mobile phones and they use them everywhere and this rate has surged among even school children. Owing to parents who purchased new phones for their children and they did not check their children how they utilize them and how much they spend for them, most of the children use their own phones for unnecessary needs including playing harmful games, watching unacceptable videos and others. If parents manage the time of utilizing smartphones by their children and how they utilize them, children can step far away from the mentioned unacceptable usages.
Some say that it can be efficient for children, if they use appropriate ways including education, aware of news and other acceptable ways. It is true that nowadays some children utilize smartphones for learning languages or improving skills by purchasing online courses. Although, the rest of the children use smartphones to relax by watching videos on the media and playing video games. Therefore, it is difficult to tell it positive or negative among the children. Nevertheless, I believe that the increase in the usage of children from the smartphones can be positive development, if parents manage their children from what purpose they utilise them.
To sum up, the percentage of utilizing phones much among the children arise the cause of loosing control by the parents. And it can be beneficial if they utilize acceptable purposes.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and providing a clear final thought.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your ideas in each paragraph and provide a clear link back to the main point.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar and punctuation. However, these do not generally impede communication. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures and shows a good command of grammar and punctuation. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect phrasing that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.
The essay addresses the task and provides a well-developed response with relevant, extended and supported ideas. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the topic by discussing both the positive and negative influences of children using smartphones. However, the argument could be more fully developed, and the essay would benefit from more specific examples to support its points.
Suggestions
- Include more specific examples to support your points.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and that all sentences in the paragraph support that idea.