Children learn more from playing freely after school than doing more organised after school activities To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Nowadays, there is a debate that whether children learn more effectively through free play or activities after school. I particularly agree that playing freely could be more beneficial for children.
On the one hand extra-curricular activities provide students with opportunities such as soft skills that are important for their development.Free play encourages children to develop their creativity and critical thinking. When children plays without rules, they are forced to create their own ideas and solve issues by themselves. For instance, children can imagine themselves in different roles, like a teacher or an astronaut, which help to build their cognitive abilities. However, it could be argued that too much unstructured play might make them lack discipline, which is often taught in organised activities.
On the other hand, organised activities have their own benefits, particularly in teaching discipline and specific skills. Activities such as sports, music lessons, or language classes are usually lead by professionals who guides children towards achieving clear goals. However, this structure often make children overly dependent on instructions rather than thinking independently. For example, participating in team sports teaches responsibility, but it might also create unnecessary competition among peers, which sometimes affects their self-esteem negatively. Moreover, attending music lessons, while enhancing concentration, often consumes a lot of time that could be used for rest or family interactions. These activities sometimes also fails to address the individual interests of children, making them feel uninterested or even stressed.
In conclusion, while organised activities helps children develop discipline and specific skills, they can sometimes limits creativity, cause stress, and fail to cater to individual interests. Free play, on the other hand, provide a relaxed environment where children can learn naturally and grow at their own pace. Therefore, I believe children benefit more from playing freely after school
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Ensure that your conclusion fully summarizes the points you have made in the essay.
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more varied and precise language could enhance the essay.
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which adds variety and interest. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions that could be revised for clarity. For example, “On the one hand extra-curricular activities provide students with opportunities such as soft skills that are important for their development” could be revised to “On the one hand, extracurricular activities provide students with opportunities to develop important soft skills.”
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the benefits of free play and organized activities and providing a clear position that free play is more beneficial. The arguments are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. However, the essay could benefit from a more formal tone and style to better fit the task requirements.
Suggestions
- Ensure that your conclusion fully summarizes the points you have made in the essay.