Children learn more from playing freely after school than doing more organised after school activities To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is widely recognized that after-school activities play a crucial role in shaping children’s future. While organized school activities can be highly productive, children can also learn effectively through free play.
There are two main reasons why organized school activities may not be as beneficial as free, self-directed learning under proper supervision. First, organized activities leave little room for independent thinking, as students are often required to follow pre-planned routines. This constant adherence to structured plans can hinder creativity and problem-solving skills. Second, such activities can limit opportunities for open communication, as they often prioritize completing tasks over fostering meaningful interactions among students. For example; I know one of my neighbours’ child who attends organised after school activities which is held in the educational centre. He is always there from Monday to Friday till 5 p.m. On Saturdays, all children play in the playground together, however, I have never seen him playing with children. He plays himself and does not communicate other children.
On the other hand, free school activities offer significant benefits for children’s mental and physical well-being. The unstructured nature of these activities allows children to enhance their social skills and critical thinking abilities. Through play and interaction with peers, they naturally develop effective communication skills while simultaneously learning and growing in a more engaging and collaborative environment. For instance; when my son went to organised after school activities, he could not get on well with his siblings, for five months, he is not going there, instead he is doing his homeworks wiht his sister. As a result, he reduced sibling rivalry and started to make friends.
In conclusion, while organized after-school activities play an important role, the benefits of learning through free play are more significant for children’s overall development.

7.0

The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive. Clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and more explicit linking phrases would help guide the reader through the essay. Ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will also improve readability.

Suggestions

Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
Make sure that your examples are relevant and clearly support your point.

The essay uses a good range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, “He plays himself and does not communicate other children” could be rephrased as “He plays alone and does not interact with other children.” Improving lexical precision and variety will enhance the clarity and professionalism of the essay. Additionally, ensuring correct spelling and grammar usage will improve overall readability.

The essay demonstrates a good control of a range of grammatical structures, with only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction. For example, “He is always there from Monday to Friday till 5 p.m.” could be rephrased for clarity. For example, “He is always at the center from Monday to Friday until 5 p.m.” “He plays himself and does not communicate other children” could be rephrased for clarity. For example, “He plays alone and does not interact with other children.” These revisions improve the clarity and professionalism of the essay.

The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. The arguments are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. However, the essay could benefit from a more formal tone and style. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the importance of free play in children’s learning and development. The writer presents a clear argument and supports it with relevant examples. However, the essay could benefit from a more formal tone and style. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.