Children learn more from playing freely after school than doing more organised after school activities To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Some people believe that children learn more playing freely after school than from engaging in organazed after school activities. While free play can absolutely offer various benefits, I believe that school activities offers greater advantages , This essay wil explore why participating in school events is not only practical but also necessary for childrens further growth.
Firstly , free play allows children to explore their creativity and imagination .When children are not confined to rules or specific outcomes , they can engage in activities that improve independent thinking and problem solving. For instance , building a fort with a friends or inventing games games can stimulate a child’s mind . Though these unstructured moments are valuable , it lacks the structure and discipline needed for long-term development and success
On the other hand , organised after-school activities like sports, teams , music classes where children can learn discipline and communicating with others peers .
For example , a child who plays on a soccer team learns to work enjoyment with teammates and follow a coach instructions , which can be beneficial in both academic and social settings.
Although free play offers unique learning opportunities , it lacks the structured guidance that organized activities provide , which are crucial for achieving academic and professional success. These activities also prepare children to real-life challenges effectively.
In conclusion, while free play is essential for developing creativity and independence, organized activities play a crucial role in teaching discipline and social skills.
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction clearly states the topic and the writer’s position, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The body paragraphs each focus on a single main idea, which is good, but the development of these ideas could be more detailed and supported with specific examples. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Ensure that your examples are relevant and clearly support your point of view.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more varied and precise language could enhance the overall quality of the essay.
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which adds variety and interest. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more complex grammatical structures could enhance the overall quality of the essay.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed in places. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the benefits of both free play and organized activities for children’s development. The writer presents a clear position, stating that while free play offers various benefits, organized activities offer greater advantages for children’s further growth. The argument is well-developed and supported with relevant examples, but the essay could benefit from a more formal tone and style.
Suggestions
- Ensure that you fully develop your argument and provide sufficient support for your position.