Children learn more from playing freely after school than doing more organised after school activities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
There is a popular view that students can benefit more from playing freely than attending extracurricular activities. While giving a chance to choose their desired option for children in primary school can be more beneficial for them, for those who are in higher classes, attending prepared after school activities is a more sensible approach.
Young individuals are more interested in playing games. These young learners may find it daunting task to participate in any additional course. After attending mandatory classes, pupils in primary school want to escape any exercise that remind them to write, draw, or memorize. Making them to take part in such activities may have little to no intellectual improvement on them. However, when the youth is exposed to games that are usually engaging, children are likely to have more fun, resulting in their fulfillment. As a result, they can stay motivated and refresh their mind before the next day lessons that require focus and concentration of them.
When it comes to relatively older students in high school, extracurricular activities might help them learn subjects more comprehensibly. Since in higher grades some lessons, particularly STEM, can be quite challenging, so taking an additional guided lessons is definitely going to improve students’ academic performance. If a student could not fully understand the previous units in a particular subject, they have a chance to ask for further explanations from their teacher. For instance, in 8th grade I used to take extra lessons from my math teacher who was always there to give me instructions in depth. This has resulted in getting comparatively higher marks in exams compared to my classmates.
In conclusion, many people believe that allowing students to play independently can improve their intellectual abilities more rather than establishing after school exercises. I would argue that should not be compulsory for younger learners to practice them. Nevertheless, the students in upper grades can gain more practical experience through such extracurricular courses as it is time to strengthen their weak areas of knowledge under supervision.
The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion are clearly presented. However, there are a few instances where the flow of ideas could be improved.
Suggestions
- Try to use a wider range of linking words to improve the flow of ideas.
- Ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea.
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.
The essay demonstrates a good control of a range of grammatical structures, with only minor errors. However, there are a few sentences that could be rephrased for better clarity.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. The arguments are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. However, the introduction could be more engaging and the conclusion could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Consider revising the introduction to more clearly introduce the topic and the writer’s position.
- Consider revising the conclusion to more thoroughly summarize the key points made in the essay.