Classmates are a more important influence than parents on a child's success in school. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement?

It’s argued that the more significant influence to the child’s education shows his/her peers than parents. This essay totally agrees with that statement. I strongly believe that classmate’s effect is stronger and this essay will detail the reasons why.
Students while studying do their best to be excellent by competing. Because by this way, child wants to get the excellent mark and boost reputation among the other children. Moreover, the group works which helps to create critical-thinking and problem-solving skills and leads to be more active. For example, in vocabulary lesson the teacher will divide children into little teams and asks new vocabularies, students in order to win by collaborative work will learn new words faster and effectively. Furthermore, this would really motivate and improve their knowledge.
Parents only give the opportunities to get better education, they give their child’s to best schools, pay for their extra courses and create comforting environment at home. But it does not play crucial role on child’s academic journey. Because the knowledge doesn’t choose a place or person’s background, if child has a desire and clear goals to which mostly has an influence of his/her peers.
Moreover, there are the things which has an impact on child’s progress, it’s bullying and social isolation. These will appear a trauma and destroy the interests which has significant affect on child’s future academic growth.
In conclusion, while parents give foundamental support for education, the peer’s influence us stronger for a child’s academic development. Classmates foster competition, collaboration, and motivation, which are important, while some negative social experiences can diminish progress.

6.5

The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the stance on the issue.

Suggestions

Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points and reiterate your stance on the issue.

The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a broad lexical repertoire, with a variety of vocabulary used effectively to convey ideas. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.

The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are few grammatical errors. However, there are some errors in article and preposition usage, as well as some awkward phrasings that could be revised for clarity. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures effectively, but there are some grammatical errors that can hinder clarity. Reviewing and revising for these errors, as well as ensuring proper punctuation and spacing, can improve the overall quality of the writing.

The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by clearly stating the position that peers have a more significant influence on a child’s success in school than parents. The argument is well-developed and supported with relevant examples. However, the essay could benefit from a more thorough exploration of the counter-argument (the role of parents) to provide a more balanced view.