Common activities for children
The bar graph compares the percentage of three ages of children who engage with a five different types of activities as a bedtime routine.
Overall, activities, including reading – brushing and having a bath are the most common activities for all three ages of children, while the reverse is true for watching tv and eating. It also clear that reading is the popular sort of activity for all ages in the given chart.
Turning to details, 70% of children who are 4-5 year olds do reading as bedtime activity, following to this 1-3 with around 64% and 6-8 years with 60%. As for brushing teeth, the percentage of children is 50 at 6-8 years, about 45% at 4-5 years and 30% for 1-3 years. Those who are 1-3 year olds more take part in having a bath in bedtime than other two age group,with 40%. These figures for other two ages are above 30, respectively.
Regarding to the least common activities among children, 10% of 4-5 years of children watch tv as bedtime routine, whereas the proportions are almost the same for children between 1-3 and 6-8 year olds. When it comes to the eating, those who are 1-3 year olds are the dominant among other two ages, with 20%.
The essay is logically organized and presents a clear overview. However, there are some issues with the flow of information and the use of cohesive devices.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of information.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic and that all sentences in the paragraph relate to this topic.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of an attempt to use more complex language. However, there are a few awkward phrasings and some of the language is a bit repetitive.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there is some attempt to use different grammatical structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and some sentences are a bit awkward.
The essay provides a clear overview of the information presented in the graph and makes appropriate comparisons. However, the essay could be improved by providing more detailed explanations and by including all of the information presented in the graph.
Suggestions
- Provide more detailed explanations and analysis of the information presented in the graph.
- Include all of the information presented in the graph in your writing.