Considering a high income is the most critical factor when choosing a career. To what extent do you agree with this opinion?

While choosing a career path, some people argue that a high income is key factor. Even though well-paid jobs are quite motivating and make life comfortable, I still disagree with the given statement since finding satisfaction in a workplace leads to a more fulfilling life.
On the one hand, choosing a career that is lucrative helps people keep working. People often quit their jobs as they are earning insufficient income making them feel dismotivated with their chosen career path. Those with high salary are not likely leave what they are doing with ease, which guarantees a stable flow of income. Another advantage of making a decent amount of money is that it makes life easier. As we
constantly levied taxes, and have many expenses to pay we need finance that is our salary. If we work for a company where we cannot make a good livelihood, it may put us in debt, forcing us to lead an unstable lifestyle.
On the other hand, I contend that true long-lasting fulfillment derives from working at a satisfactory job despite how little money it can offer. There are thousands of affluent individuals who are rather miserable in their working environment, leaving them with chronic depression and stress. On the contrary, those who engage in voluntary activities, practice of working for free, report that they are quite happy with what they are doing, which has resulted in higher life expectancy. The money we earn cannot always provide us with what we want, especially our health. People running after money their life would have to sacrifice their mental and physical health as they usually work night shifts prioritizing solely profit. In the end of their lives, they are often diagnosed with high blood pressure and diabetes, resulted by poor diet.
In conclusion, although considering a high income while choosing a career could be a good motivation and makes our lives more comfortable, I believe that finding a satisfactory path is far more fulfilling.

7.0

The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.

Suggestions

Use more linking words to improve the flow of ideas.
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear central topic.

The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary relevant to the topic. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more specific examples could help to illustrate the points more clearly.

The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which adds variety and interest. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more specific examples could help to illustrate the points more clearly.

The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed in places. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing both the importance of a high income in choosing a career and the value of finding satisfaction in the workplace. The writer presents a clear position and supports it with relevant examples. However, the argument could be more fully developed in places, and the conclusion could more effectively summarize the main points.