crime
There is a claim that a young person committing a crime should be punished similarly as adult one should. Although a punishment is a reasonably effective way to correct them in some cases, I disagree with this method since young generation should be always provided a second chance to change better.
On the one hand, offending young people for the act of conviction can decrease the crime rate in a society since young offenders would understand what capacity truly means, leading to a positive change in their life if they regret the action they have done. Therefore, this method can prevent young people from committing crime again. Furthermore, in several cases, those who committed a crime in their young age are punished in the lighter way, which can result in other crimes in long term future. For example, in the countries of Latin America, the crime rate is considerably high among young generations due to impunity.
On the other hand, people who committed a crime at the young age should be treated in a different way from adults in terms of offending them. As reeducating them makes young people change their mindset and they comprehend the consequence of the action they have done illegal. Moreover, young people are easily influenced by other people and tend to break the law, thus they should be helped to be prevented from negative effect of others. Consequently, rarely do young people commit a crime again if they are rehabilitated successfully.
In conclusion, while young law breakers are highly likely to commit the act of conviction if impunity is high in a community, I believe that successful mental treatment leads to better changes among them.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Ensure that your conclusion fully summarizes the arguments you have made in the essay.
The essay uses a variety of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary, with appropriate use of academic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more varied and precise language could enhance the essay.
The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures effectively, including complex sentences and passive constructions. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more varied and precise language could enhance the essay.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed in places. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the implications of punishing young people for crimes and the potential benefits of providing them with a second chance. The writer presents a clear position and supports it with relevant examples. However, the argument could be further developed in places to provide a more comprehensive analysis of the topic.
Suggestions
- Ensure that you fully develop your argument in all parts of your essay.
- Provide more detailed examples to support your points.