Dance classes in Australia
Farrukh
Task 1
The pie chart below give information on the location and how many types of dance classes with their age in a town in Australia.
The charts have 4 types of location. With 48% result is private studios. The second higher result is school hall. They are training after school 18% young people dance classes in community halls. The lowest result is college based studios an a town in Australia have 3 types of dance classes. And they are bring with people’s age. Their have 2 types of age, under 11 and 11 years to 16. In ballet classes have 800 young people. Their age is under 11. The next younger than 11 years people class, is “Tap”. They have around 450 people. The last type of dance class have 300 people. 300 people study in Modern dance class. After 11 years 290 youngers study in ballet classes.
Second type of dance class is Tap. And they have around 470 members. The many 11-16 years old people study in Modern dance class.
The essay has a basic structure with an introduction, body, and conclusion. However, the information is not arranged logically, and there is no clear progression of ideas. The use of cohesive devices is inconsistent, and some connections between sentences and paragraphs are unclear, making it difficult to follow the flow of information.
Suggestions
- Use clear topic sentences to introduce each paragraph and ensure that each paragraph focuses on a single main idea.
- Utilize cohesive devices, such as conjunctions and transitional phrases, correctly to link sentences and paragraphs more effectively.
- Ensure that each paragraph follows a logical order, and make sure there is a clear progression of ideas throughout the essay.
The essay uses a limited range of vocabulary, with many words and phrases being repeated. There are also instances of awkward or incorrect word choice, which detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the essay. More varied and precise vocabulary would enhance the quality of the writing.
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including issues with subject-verb agreement, incorrect use of articles, and pluralization. These errors can make the writing difficult to understand and may lead to confusion. Improving grammatical accuracy and using a wider range of sentence structures would enhance the overall quality of the essay.
The essay provides an overview of the location types and age groups of dance classes in a town in Australia. However, the information is presented in a disorganized manner, with no clear structure or organization. The essay fails to fully address the task requirements and does not provide a detailed analysis or explanation of the data presented in the pie chart. The lack of a clear structure makes it difficult to understand the relationships between different points.
Suggestions
- Provide a more detailed analysis of the data presented in the pie chart.
- Organize the information in a more structured manner, with a clear introduction, body paragraphs, and conclusion.
- Focus on the most significant trends or patterns in the data and explain them clearly.