Despite advances in medicine, mental ill health is becoming more common amongst young people. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures can be taken to solve it?
In our modern life, big part of the world suffers from different diseases. However mental illness is becoming one of fhe widespread problem is mental disease, may result of technological pressure among youth part of the world. In this essay I will explore reasons and solutions why this illness is becoming common.
On the one hand, technologies are developed and everyone has own electronical devices even children. If people spend most of their time on the phone, it will harm on their mental health. For example, overusing devices can make people sad, loss of interest, hobbies and decrease energy. Suggested solution is utilizing special apps, which can block the screen, put the limit on daily usage. Then people focus on phones only a few hours, as a result they can avouid mental illness.
On the other hand, youth are abused by their peers and it can aslo affect their mental condition. If they have introvert behaviour, most of time other people denger them physically, abuse, neglect, or make a violence. In order to solve this problem, there should be “National Guard” in every educational facilities, and they should protect youg people from abusers in order to avoid mental health issues. As a result, everyone feels safe and do not afraid of abusers.
In conclusion, mental illness is a serious problem, which need attention from society, and family. Even it is terrible issue, people can avoud it by themselves or help of community.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a basic structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes awkward or incorrect, affecting the overall coherence. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and providing a clear final thought.
Suggestions
- Try to use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your ideas in each paragraph.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, with some attempts to use less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices, which can detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the writing. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and providing a clear final thought.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar and punctuation. The essay demonstrates a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, with a variety of grammatical forms used. However, there are some grammatical errors and punctuation issues that can detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the writing. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and providing a clear final thought.
The essay addresses the task and provides a relevant response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay addresses the prompt by discussing the reasons behind the increase in mental health issues among young people and suggesting potential solutions. The writer presents a clear thesis statement and follows it with relevant explanations and examples. However, the argument could be more fully developed, and the essay would benefit from a more in-depth exploration of the topic. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and providing a clear final thought.
Suggestions
- Try to develop your arguments more fully and support them with specific examples.
- Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea and is well supported by the rest of the essay.