Despite advances in medicine, mental ill health is becoming more common amongst young people. What do you think are the causes of this problem and what measures can be taken to solve it?
Despite the well-known health risks of certain categories of food, many people still choose to consume unhealthy ones. This issue is influenced by several factors, such as advertising, convenience, and the price of unhealthy food.
Unhealthy food is often more comfortable, convenient, and easily accessible than healthy food. Fast food and other unhealthy snacks are quick to get and need little effort to prepare, and also they’re popular choices for people with busy lives. Also, junk food is cheaper than healthy food, which can be a good reason to buy it for people with limited income.
Advertising also plays a big role in popularizing unhealthy dishes. Food companies use attractive advertisements, especially the ones which are liked by children and young people. These ads make unhealthy food seem fun and desirable, hiding negative health effects.
To solve this issue, we should take several steps. Educational systems can help to raise awareness about the dangers of unhealthy diets and benefits of consuming natural healthy food. Governments also can control food advertising to reduce the impact of marketing on unhealthy food choices.
In conclusion, solving the problem of unhealthy eating requires all education, regulation and access to healthy food in one time.
The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected, but there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between ideas and paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. The conclusion effectively summarizes the main points but could be more comprehensive.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of linking words to connect your ideas more effectively.
- Ensure that your conclusion fully summarizes the main points of your essay.
The essay uses a good range of vocabulary and there is some evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a varied vocabulary, with appropriate use of academic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more specific examples could help to illustrate the points more clearly.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are only minor errors. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect sentence construction. The essay demonstrates a good command of complex sentence structures and a variety of grammatical forms. However, there are a few minor errors that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more specific examples could help to illustrate the points more clearly.
The essay addresses the task effectively, providing a clear position throughout. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the factors that contribute to the prevalence of unhealthy food and suggesting potential solutions. The writer presents a clear position and supports it with relevant examples. However, the argument could be more fully developed, and the essay could benefit from a more detailed exploration of the potential challenges and limitations of the proposed solutions.
Suggestions
- Include more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Provide a more detailed exploration of the potential challenges and limitations of the proposed solutions.