Despite better education,some adults are unable to write and read. What are the disadvantages people are having? What should the government do to avoid this ?
Regardless of better education,a number of people can not write and read. This essay will highlight the drawbacks of this situation and give solutions to overcome this issue.
Many people argue that beside getting better education at schools,nowadays some people have problems in writing and reading. In addition,they think that this would lead to disastrous outcomes in the future. One of the main cons is degradation of country’s economy.For example: Population of Syria was unable to compete with developed Japanese inhabitants in scientific fields by inventing newest innovations which could be the main source of funding.Moreover, an increasing number of uneducated people who would struggle with unemployment could lead to the growth of robbery which could result to country’s economic collapse.
However,these disadvantages could be tackled by introducing new systems of education into schools. One of the solutions to this is retraining teachers before giving attention to scholars, because students get knowledge from their tutors. Another way to solve this problem is encouraging people from younger ages to be educated ,claiming the difficulties they could face in the future and engage them in various activities such as reading clubs and competitions.
In conclusion, as mentioned earlier illiteracy could lead to different drawbacks such as degradation of country’s economy and unemployment, to prevent such kinds of situations government should change educational system by retaining teachers and encouraging people from young ages to be educated by telling them negative consequences in the future
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reiterating the proposed solutions.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to link all the ideas in a paragraph to the main point of the paragraph.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity and accuracy.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar, punctuation and spelling. The essay uses a variety of complex and simple sentence structures, but there are some grammatical errors and punctuation issues that can affect the overall clarity. Additionally, there are a few errors in verb tense and subject-verb agreement that could be revised for accuracy.
The essay addresses the task and provides a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the disadvantages of some adults’ inability to read and write despite better education and proposing solutions to overcome this issue. The argument is well-developed and supported with relevant examples. However, the essay could benefit from a more detailed exploration of the root causes of this issue and additional, more specific examples to support the proposed solutions.
Suggestions
- Include more specific examples to support your arguments.
- Provide a more detailed explanation of the root causes of the issue and how the proposed solutions address these causes.