DISCUSSION ESSAY Some people think globalization benefits while some people believe harm local culture Disscuss both views and give your own opinion
In our modern world, some people believe globalization is more beneficial, and others think globalization has harmful issues for local culture, I personally believe that views are rational in their own ways, but I would agree with the latter group of people.
On the one hand, there are several reasons why globalization and globalization have many benefits. For example, your country may enter into agreement with other countries for various relations and food, clothes, transport, moder technology, and other things that will be cheaper if our country uses globalization. In other words, globalization is more efficient for businesses and all people. In fact, some modern countries prefer to use globalization because globalization gives them a lot of benefits, and through globalization, their income is increasing day by day. In addition, globalization can change local culture.
On the other hand, some people believe globalization has many issues from local culture. For example, globalization leads to new cultures from your country. If we start globalization, our lifestyle is dramatically modified, and we start to use foreign cultures. This is very terrible, and sometimes globalization leads to gay uniforms from our country. If we don’t use globalization, our lives become more useful. I might add that there are several detrimental impacts from our country people. For example, our culture may be obsolete. Nowadays, our country has started to use globalization, and many issues have been revealed. For example, our people start gay uniforms, and people are likening themselves to all kinds of animals. In addition, day by day, people with low consciousness are appearing.
In conclusion, I believe our country’s council stops globalization, however on the one hand, globalization has many benefits, but if we use globalization at the right time, it will be in accordance with the goal.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay is structured with an introduction, body paragraphs for each view, and a conclusion. However, the use of cohesive devices is sometimes confusing, and the connection between ideas can be unclear. Additionally, the use of first-person pronouns and singular/plural forms is inconsistent, which can make the argument difficult to follow.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to use first-person pronouns and singular/plural forms correctly.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good range of vocabulary relevant to the topic, such as “local culture,” “harm,” and “benefits.” However, there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choices, such as “gay uniforms” and “our country has started to use globalization,” which can detract from the overall clarity and effectiveness of the argument.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms, and there are some errors in grammar and punctuation. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which helps to maintain reader interest. However, there are some grammatical errors that can affect the clarity and readability of the essay, such as “your country may enter into agreement” and “our country’s council stops globalization.” Additionally, there are some punctuation errors that can detract from the overall clarity.
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay addresses the prompt by discussing both views on globalization and providing the writer’s opinion. However, the argument could be more fully developed, and the essay would benefit from more specific examples to support the points made. Additionally, the conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing the main points and clearly restating the writer’s position.
Suggestions
- Ensure that both sides of the argument are equally developed and supported.
- Provide specific, relevant examples to support your points.
- Strengthen the conclusion by summarizing the main points and clearly restating your position.