Due to television and the internet, it is easier today for a large number of people to become famous. Is this a positive or negative development?

The increasing availability of technical advances such as television and the Internet allows majority of people to become famous with little effort. Albeit I admit that this trend causes several detrimental consequences, I am utterly convinced that it is a positive development because of some reasons.
There are two reasons why social media has benefits to become a well-known person. The first perhaps the most significant reason is that by means of an easy access to the Internet or television, nowadays, people have a great opportunity to succeed in their career lives. In other words, numerous of talented people all around the world, who are, in many cases, lack of financial resources thus cannot afford a decent tertiary education, can introduce themselves to the public and gain fame among social media users. A good example of this, contemporary bloggers, singers or other talented people, despite of their limited possibilities, have started their work via managing pages in social medias and still find various ways to draw attention of their audience. Another key point to justify this attitude is that even in social media or television people are required to work on themselves to survive in their areas as there is a great competition in show business. That is to say, thanks to growing keen interests of overwhelming majority in becoming famous, these people have to always create appealing contents and keep attention of their audience. As a consequence, they will have a great experience in this domain and open the doors to other opportunities.
In stark contrast, however, some people put forward the idea that in order to get a fame a person should be qualified and have graduated a university. If look from the perspective of modern life, this statement might sound outdated, indeed, many people are prone to follow and watch contents of talented people not those who have a sheet of paper as if it defines their talent. Moreover, not surprisingly many are of the opinion that being on social medias or television is only waste of time and pages of these content makers full of meaningless stuffs; nonetheless, by making mistakes and failures they make a progress which in the long run gives them a great experience.
In conclusion, in spite of having some contradictive views of many people, which are already out of date, I still believe it is a beneficial development for some.

7.0

The essay is logically organized and the ideas are connected, but there are some areas where the flow of ideas could be improved. The essay follows a logical structure, but transitions between paragraphs and within paragraphs could be smoother. The introduction sets up the topic well, but the connection between different points could be enhanced with more explicit linking phrases. Clearer topic sentences at the beginning of each paragraph and more explicit linking phrases would help guide the reader through the essay. Ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will also improve readability.

Suggestions

Improve the flow of ideas between sentences and paragraphs.
Use a wider range of linking words to connect ideas more effectively.

The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary, but there are some instances of awkward or incorrect word choice. For example, “in order to get a fame” should be “in order to gain fame,” and “a sheet of paper” could be more formally phrased as “a academic qualification.” Improving word choice and using more formal language will enhance the overall quality of the essay. Additionally, ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will improve readability.

The essay uses a variety of complex structures. However, there are a few grammatical errors and awkward constructions. The essay contains a few grammatical errors that affect clarity and readability. For example, “due to television and the Internet, it is easier today for a large number of people to become famous” could be more clearly phrased as “thanks to television and the Internet, a large number of people can today easily become famous.” Paying closer attention to grammatical accuracy, including subject-verb agreement and preposition use, will improve the overall quality of the essay. Additionally, ensuring consistent punctuation and spacing will enhance readability.

The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay addresses the topic and presents a clear position, but the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay could benefit from a more detailed exploration of the topic, including counterarguments and examples. The conclusion could also be strengthened by summarizing the main points and clearly restating the writer’s position.