Due to television and the internet, it is easier today for many people to become famous. Is this a positive or negative development?
Thanks to television and the internet, rising to fame has become even easier for many people today. I believe this is a desirable change for
some potential benefits because its available chance to make easy money also Increased Opportunities for Talent.
One of the positive effects of this development is that it has opened up opportunities for talented people whose talents might be unnoticed. Thanks of different platforms such as YouTube or TikTok, they are able to show their abilities to the audience. In some cases, their talents can be noticed by popular people who could help them become stars. For example, there was a boy who sang well but lived very poorly. He posted his songs on Instagram, and eventually a popular singer noticed him and took him to her duet with her. Thus, talented people can become much more popular than they could have been before with the help of social networks.
Another beneficial is making easy money thanks for amount of views in accounts of various platforms. There is such an opportunity as to earn money with the help of social networks. When different videos fly into the tops, respectively, they gain large views, and these platforms begin to pay these bloggers, Also at the present time there are a lot of advertisers who can offer big money to advertise their product. Blogging has become not only a hobby but also a profession for many people
In conclusion, it must be said that the introduction of various blogs in social networks or in popularization on television has both negative and positive sides. On one hand, it democratizes fame and provides opportunities to diverse talents. On the other hand, it fosters a culture of superficial content and quick attention.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the connection between ideas less smooth. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and clearly stating the writer’s opinion.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the main points and clearly state your opinion.
The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choices that could be revised for clarity. Additionally, the use of more varied and precise language could help to convey the arguments more effectively.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are few grammatical errors. However, there are some errors in article and preposition usage that can be distracting for the reader. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which adds to the overall quality of the writing. However, there are a few grammatical errors that could be corrected for clarity. For example, in the sentence “One beneficial is making easy money thanks for amount of views in accounts of various platforms,” the phrase “One beneficial” is grammatically incorrect and should be “One benefit.” Additionally, the use of the preposition “thanks for” is awkward and the phrase would be more natural as “Thanks to.” Paying closer attention to these grammatical details could help to improve the overall quality of the writing.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported with specific examples. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the impact of television and the internet on the ease of becoming famous. The writer presents a clear position that this is a positive development, supported by arguments and examples. However, the essay could be improved by providing a more detailed exploration of the topic, including a discussion of potential drawbacks or challenges associated with this trend. Additionally, the conclusion could be strengthened by providing a more definitive statement of the writer’s position.
Suggestions
- Provide a more detailed exploration of the topic, including a discussion of potential drawbacks or challenges associated with this trend.
- Strengthen the conclusion by providing a more definitive statement of the writer’s position.