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engaging in sport activities

There has been ongoing debate on what motivates adults to engage in sports activities, with many people claiming it is sports events on TV, while others argue it to be other factors. While prominent sports events drive adults to play sports, I wholeheartedly believe that increased public awareness about its benefits and sustained physical facilities are better attractors to sports activities.
Those who claim that high-profile sports events can encourage adults to participate in sports cite various compelling reasons to support their stance. When people watch sports events on TV, they see well-shaped people who are the same or older age than them, which urges them to think thoroughly about how well they would be if they had been engaging in exercises. This thought, in turn, allows them to reevaluate the benefits of continual exercise and participation in sports activities, significantly helping them begin adhering to a healthier lifestyle. In a world where many people have gotten used to a sedentary lifestyle, watching athletes, not to mention disabled ones, engaging in sports activities can serve as fuel to stimulate consistent engagement in sports.
Despite these opinions in favor of watching high-profile sports events, I am convinced that increasing public awareness about the possible benefits of regular sports activities is a better option. If governments promote active lifestyles among their citizens and encourage them to partake in them regularly by incentivizing those who do so, not only does the population become healthier, but also societal well-being is enhanced overall. In a world where people feel a sense of belonging to the government, this supportive approach helps the population stay in shape in the face of a chaotic lifestyle.
Additionally, the construction of fitness facilities can help people grasp the importance of sports activities. Given that human beings tend to take action when the necessities are readily available, watching high-profile sports events could no longer seem to be the best approach to inspire adults to participate in them. In lieu of this, the construction of physical facilities like fitness centers and gyms should be a more attractive factor.
In conclusion, although watching broadcasts of major sports events encourage people to participate in sports activities, I contend that they will be more motivated if they are informed about the health benefits and provided with facilities to play them regularly. Only through promoting these alternatives can both societies and individuals thrive as a whole.

8.0

The essay is logically organized and ideas are connected well. The introduction and conclusion are clear and relevant. However, there are a few areas where the flow of ideas could be improved.

Suggestions
  • Try to use a wider range of linking words to connect your ideas.
  • Ensure that your arguments are presented in a clear and logical order.

The essay uses a wide range of vocabulary and there is evidence of less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice.

The essay uses a wide range of complex structures. There are a few minor errors, but they do not impede communication.

The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout. The arguments are well-developed and supported with relevant examples. However, the introduction could be improved to better introduce the topic and provide a clear thesis statement.

Suggestions
  • Consider revising the introduction to provide a clearer thesis statement.