European people of different age groups who went to a gym once a month or more, 1990-2010
The line graph shows changes data on Europeans from different age groups who attended a gym once a month or more between 1990 and 2010.
Overall, The younger adults followed almost similar patterns.18-24 age group showed the highest level over the period. Despite the fact that they were low at the beginning of the age group, but they started to rise year after year.
In 1990 the percentage of 18-24 age group at 4%, which rose to 59% in 2010. Similarly, Starting at 5% in 1990, 25-34 age group who went to a gym increased to 50% in 2010.In
In contrast, The proportion of 35-44 age group rose slightly from 1990 to 2006, but then significantly rise from 21% to 40% in 2010.The percentage of 45 and over age group rose slightly from 1990 to 2006,but then increased reaching just 10%, from 2006 to 2010.
Moreover, younger adults who went to a gym stood out among other age groups with higher figures in 2010.
The essay presents information in a logical order, but there are issues with paragraphing and linking words. Some sentences are disjointed, affecting the flow.
Suggestions
- Use linking words to improve flow.
- Ensure each paragraph has a clear main idea.
- Avoid abrupt shifts in topics.
The essay uses a range of vocabulary, but there is repetition and some misuse of words.
The essay contains several grammatical errors, including incorrect punctuation and sentence fragments.
The essay addresses the task but lacks detailed analysis and misses some key comparisons.
Suggestions
- Include more detailed comparisons between age groups.
- Provide a clearer overview of trends.