Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned.
Some people argue that the governments ought to disallow the dangerous spots like skydiving and skiing. I completely agree with the idea that these sports are too dangerous, and I therefore believe that they should be closed.
In my opinion, if we don’t prohibit these sports, it may lead to tragic problems and are harmful to people’s health. Nobody’s promised tomorrow, for example while you are doing this sport unfortunately if the equipment breaks down, you will take injury or die with tragic death. One more problem, not all people are professionals and they don’t take a special lesson for doing this, so this increases the risk even more.
Yeah I know extreme sports, despite their dangers, are more fun than other sports. This is an effective way to take rest and relieve stress. Therefore many people on their holiday take these types of sports for relaxing. And by these sports the government can increase finance because this attracts many tourists. But don’t forget what I wrote before if you are not ready or not well informed don’t do it it can be dangerous for your life.
In conclusion, while extreme sports like skydiving and skiing may provide enjoyment and contribute to tourism and stress relief, their inherent dangers cannot be overlooked. The risks of injury or even death, especially for those who are inexperienced or untrained, make these activities highly hazardous. Therefore, it is crucial for governments to prioritize public safety and consider disallowing such dangerous sports to prevent tragic consequences and protect lives.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a standard structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes awkward or incorrect, affecting the overall coherence. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the key points and reiterating the position.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure to fully develop your conclusion to effectively summarize the key points and reiterate your position.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a reasonable range of vocabulary, but there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. For example, “if the equipment breaks down” could be more accurately expressed as “if the equipment malfunctions.” Additionally, the informal language at the beginning of the essay (“Yeah I know”) could be replaced with a more formal introduction.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar and punctuation. The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence structures, but there are some grammatical errors and punctuation issues. For example, “if the equipment breaks down, you will take injury or die with tragic death” should be “if the equipment malfunctions, you could sustain serious injuries or even die tragic death.” Additionally, the use of the contraction “don’t” at the beginning of a sentence is not appropriate in formal writing.
The essay addresses the task and presents a clear position throughout the response. However, the argument could be more fully developed and supported. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by discussing the dangers of extreme sports and the potential for tragic consequences. The writer presents a clear position that these activities should be banned, and provides reasons to support this view. However, the essay could benefit from a more formal tone and structure, as well as a more thorough discussion of potential counterarguments.
Suggestions
- Consider addressing potential counterarguments to provide a more balanced view.
- Ensure that the essay is in a more formal tone and structure throughout.