Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned.
It is true that extreme sports have become so popular in recent years. While I understand it carries some risks, I completely disagree with idea of restricting the practice of extreme sports.
In my opinion extreme sports are not that dangerous as people think; as it is acceptable to have some risks, as is the case with other sports such as our daily activity cycling and football. Additionally, there are always clear regulations and procedures in all sports and beginners have not permission to start activities without participating in special trials and learning safety polices. For example, new skydivers are not allowed to dive solo before experiencing this process with highly-trained professionals. It is also clear that several special equipments are used regularly to reduce the level of danger and avoid possible injuries.
Although I agree with reaching regulations and safety measures beforehand, there are several reasons why I believe that these sports should not be banned. Firstly, I argue that government it would be wrong if government dictate how people spend their leisure time. Secondly, extreme sports are main fear of most people and facing with those enable them to beat their fears and gives adrenaline. As a result, this improves their confidence and build self-satisfaction. Finally, this in turn, not only helps to enjoying their life by adding some colors, but also enhance overall body strength and stamina as it requires significant physical effort.
In conclusion, individuals should be free to choose whether doing extreme sport after being aware of full conception of its possible risks and dangers.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay follows a logical structure, but the use of cohesive devices is sometimes inaccurate or missing, making the argument difficult to follow. Additionally, there are some issues with coherence, as the connection between ideas is not always clear. More explicit signposting language could help guide the reader through the essay and improve overall coherence.
Suggestions
- Use a variety of cohesive devices to ensure smooth transition between ideas.
- Make sure that the use of cohesive devices is consistent and appropriate.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a wide range of vocabulary related to the topic, with some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are a few instances of awkward or incorrect word choice that could be revised for clarity and accuracy. Additionally, the use of more varied and precise language could help to strengthen the argument and make the essay more engaging.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar and punctuation. However, these do not detract from the overall clarity of the writing. The essay uses a variety of sentence structures, which adds variety and interest to the writing. However, there are some grammatical errors and punctuation issues that could be revised for clarity and accuracy. For example, the use of ‘it’ and ‘that’ is sometimes unclear, and there are some issues with subject-verb agreement. Paying closer attention to these details could help to improve the overall quality of the writing.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. The essay provides relevant, detailed examples to support the argument. However, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the key points and restating the position.
Suggestions
- Make sure the conclusion effectively summarizes the key points and restates the position.