Extreme sports such as sky diving and skiing are very dangerous and should be banned. To what extent do you agree or disagree?
Demanding activities like skydiving and skiing are the most dangerous and have to be averted. I entirely disagree with this statement, and I will prove my own opinion.
To begin with, extreme sports are enjoyable and amazing. Some people want to do some extreme sports as they get adrenaline when they do such activities. That allows many people to enjoy their peaceful life. On that occasion, many people will take days off from their life which is full of stress just to do such sports that make them happier and less stressed. For example, when many individuals work a lot, they go to a mountain where they can ride a bike and reduce stress. They know that it is dangerous, but they love to do it. As a consequence, people can live happier and longer lives with such hobbies.
Furthermore, these activities give a good turn to solve their health problems such as fear of hilltops or other phobias. When they do these sports, they have an experience, and then they will get rid of their fear. After that they can deal with not only these sports, but also they can solve their other problems without any fears. Moreover, it can be beneficial that such places which are based on extreme sports can attract many tourists. This allows an increase in the economy of countries. With such attractive places, many people can be employed to be translators or a guide.
In short, even though these activities lead to many threads, people take more benefits. If individuals who want to try such extreme sports learn from professionals, this may reduce the risk that inhabitants acthaven. have.
The essay is logically organized and the progression of ideas is clear. However, there are some issues with the use of cohesive devices and the overall cohesion of the essay. The essay is generally well-organized, with each paragraph focusing on a specific aspect of the argument. However, there are some instances where the flow of ideas could be improved. For example, the transition between the first and second paragraphs could be smoother to better connect the two points being made. Additionally, the conclusion could be more effective in summarizing the main points and reinforcing the overall argument.
Suggestions
- Try to use a variety of cohesive devices to improve the flow of your arguments.
- Make sure that each paragraph is clearly connected to the next, and that there is a logical progression of ideas throughout the essay.
The essay uses a sufficient range of vocabulary and there is evidence of some less common and idiomatic language. However, there are some inaccuracies in word choice and collocation. The essay demonstrates a good command of a range of vocabulary, with appropriate use of academic language. However, there are some instances where word choice could be improved for clarity and precision. For example, the use of “threads” instead of “risks” in the conclusion is likely a typographical error and could be corrected. Additionally, the use of “acthaven” in the last sentence appears to be a mistake.
The essay uses a mix of simple and complex sentence forms and there are some errors in grammar, punctuation and spelling. The essay demonstrates a good command of a range of grammatical structures, with a variety of sentence types used effectively. However, there are some instances of grammatical errors and awkward phrasing that could be improved for clarity and precision. For example, the use of “threads” instead of “risks” in the conclusion is likely a typographical error and could be corrected. Additionally, the use of “acthaven” appears to be a mistake.
The essay addresses the task effectively, presenting a clear position throughout the response. The essay effectively addresses the prompt by presenting a clear position and supporting it with relevant examples. The writer’s opinion is clearly stated in the introduction and conclusion, and the body paragraphs provide detailed arguments and examples to support the position. However, the essay could be improved by providing more specific examples and evidence to support the arguments made. For example, the second body paragraph could be enhanced by providing a specific example of a person who overcame a fear through extreme sports. Additionally, the conclusion could be strengthened by summarizing the main points and reinforcing the overall argument.
Suggestions
- Try to provide more specific examples and evidence to support your arguments.
- Ensure that the conclusion effectively summarizes the main points and reinforces the overall argument.